there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
