absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
