he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
