Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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