I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
