A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
