I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize