youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
