Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
