Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
