Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize