My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
