Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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