Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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