Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
