my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
