Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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