Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
