Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
