how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
