cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There's always time for handjobs
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
