"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize