I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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