I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
