Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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