Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I am one with the molecules
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
