Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
