Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
