It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So squirting runs in the family.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
