note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
