I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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