I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
