im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
