he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
