I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize