Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize