Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
