last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize