I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
