She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
