i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
