I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
