she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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