I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
