He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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