Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Duck Duck Cougar?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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