i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
