Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
