She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
