I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
