im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
