i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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