And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize