you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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