cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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