before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize