Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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