does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
