the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
