Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
