Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
