You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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