Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
