Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
