the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I know her cup size but not her name....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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