my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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