She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
