Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
