You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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